I have now been in Denver, Co for 26 days and it feels like I have been here way longer. Transitions are always difficult, but for the first time I have had a new realization of why it is so difficult for me.
All my life I have been trying to just survive. If I can just get through this then things will be better, but the reality is that by trying to shut out the bad things I have pushed away many good things. For example: believe that people who have just known me for 26 days actually love me. That in my mind does not make sense. Love is something that comes with time and that last through trials, but it does not just happen because I exist. (see that is the lie I have come to believe)
The truth is that we actually are all loved for the mere fact that we exist because in our existence we have in us an image of God that no one else on this earth can replace.
All this time I have thought that I am an honest person, but never even realized the lies that I have believed. I am not to be selective in my love and that only certain people deserve it, but we were all created equally. God didn't create some good and others very good. Yet, I have believe that for so long because it is what the world tells us.
If I cant accept the love the women in my community are trying to show me just because I think they don't know me, then how do I expect the people on the streets that I meet believe that I am there to love them?
All the ways I have learned to keep people out are the defense mechanism I have learned, but I don't have to be afraid anymore. I am not that same little girl afraid of being hurt. It is safe to just be me without constantly having to be on guard.
I know I am not meant to be best friends with everyone, but we still are called to love everyone. You get a deeper love with family and friends that you are closer to, but that we were created to love.
We were created in love, for love. The world has distorted this word to be just a feeling, but love is not just a feeling. Love is a choice.
To choose to love that beggar on the street by just looking at him/her in the eye and giving them the dignity the have just by acknowledging they exist. To choose to love the drunk and just listen to his stories because he is worth listening to. To choose to love those who don't even know how to love themselves because they are enslaved by worldly things. It is not easy. It is not meant to be easy.
Do you think Jesus as He was being nailed to the cross for our sins out of love for us thought to Him self this feels good? No, but it was a choice He made.
I am realizing love is always going to hurt, it is never going to be easy, but the hurt has meaning because in that little bit of suffering we get to be united to Jesus on the cross.
I am learning to love and to truly accept the love of others. I am learning to be humble that I cannot change peoples circumstances and that I am not called to, but I am called to love them.
To allow them to impacted me and be transformed in all the ways I encounter Jesus.
We will be judge on the last day on how well we loved, truly loved the poor and needy.
May we not be afraid to love. May we not be afraid of the uncomfortable.
"There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”- C.S. Lewis "The Four Loves"
Please continue to pray for all the missionaries in the world trying to love may they always remember it is only because they were loved first that they can share the love with others!
Also, Happy Birthday shout out to one of the best gifts I have ever received, Miss Amy Burt. I love you!
"Wounded, I will never cease to love!" - Little Sister of the Lamb
Friday, August 26, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
From the Mountains to the Streets.
We ended training by going on a camping trip in the Rockies. I can just see that some of you think this is an amazing opportunity and would love to have been able to have such an experience. I have come to realize that I do not like "relaxing" weekends where in all actuality I am more tired and in lots of pain. I will say that I love the sitting around the campfire aspect of camping, but not so much the hiking.
The view was beautiful, but I don't think I would do it again just for the view. I realized I am much more of an ocean person. Overall, the weekend was not meant to be just about the view and relaxing, but about community bonding. It was a very fruitful weekend.
Hitting the streets...well kind of. We each were assigned different jobs for this next year. I was assigned to Annunciation parish. It is a primarily Latino community and I will be working with the youth and heading up an initiative called Migrant Ministry. What does Migrant Ministry consist of you might ask? (cause I asked that too) Father has a heart for immigrants and there is a lot people don't know or even understand when it comes to Latino immigrants. Well, here is the reality some immigrants are brought here to work fields. The main contractor goes down to some poor little town in Central America and hire these workers brings them over legally (work permit), but then never allows them to leave the premises. It is contracted slave work. These men leave their families and everything behind to be housed in shabby trailers out in the middle of nowhere. You can say well at least that have a job, but if you could see how lost and alone these men are. How much fear is put into them by their boss it is unjust, but such is life. Here is the worst part. The owners then the following year don't bring contracted workers because it cost to much. He just then waits for them to somehow get here...which isn't always legal, or just hires people who are already here and doesn't have to pay them as much, but they are all still confined to the same premises.
Well, it is hard to go out into the fields to talk to these men, but today we did. We went to ask them if they would be open to having a mass and dinner. Father just wants to offer them any community they will receive. We were successful. They said yes even though they hesitated for fear of their boss not letting them, but please keep this particular mission in your prayers. One man asked if there is someway he could do his first communion...it broke my heart, but hopefully something will be done for him.
Another aspect of my job is called Homeless Taskforce. We are trying to create a model that Christ in the City will hopefully eventually be, but in the meantime we are working with homeless shelters and food banks to get a feel for things. Tomorrow we are doing street ministry, which entails just building relationship with the homeless. They are human and deserve to be listened to just like anyone else.
All in all, things have been really intense. A lot of things going on inside me that I have not yet really had time to process, but the Lord truly provides the graces.
I miss you all. I really do. But the Lord has us each exactly where He can love us best, so let us embrace that love even when we feel we don't deserve it.
It is also my brother, Luis' and my uncle Gus' birthday today if you could say a prayer for them I would really appreciate that. Thank you.
I beginning to understand why the Lord in all of His ministry needed to retreat and have His alone time. Please pray that I may find that balance in serving Him and still serving my own needs.
In His grip,
Irms
The view was beautiful, but I don't think I would do it again just for the view. I realized I am much more of an ocean person. Overall, the weekend was not meant to be just about the view and relaxing, but about community bonding. It was a very fruitful weekend.
Hitting the streets...well kind of. We each were assigned different jobs for this next year. I was assigned to Annunciation parish. It is a primarily Latino community and I will be working with the youth and heading up an initiative called Migrant Ministry. What does Migrant Ministry consist of you might ask? (cause I asked that too) Father has a heart for immigrants and there is a lot people don't know or even understand when it comes to Latino immigrants. Well, here is the reality some immigrants are brought here to work fields. The main contractor goes down to some poor little town in Central America and hire these workers brings them over legally (work permit), but then never allows them to leave the premises. It is contracted slave work. These men leave their families and everything behind to be housed in shabby trailers out in the middle of nowhere. You can say well at least that have a job, but if you could see how lost and alone these men are. How much fear is put into them by their boss it is unjust, but such is life. Here is the worst part. The owners then the following year don't bring contracted workers because it cost to much. He just then waits for them to somehow get here...which isn't always legal, or just hires people who are already here and doesn't have to pay them as much, but they are all still confined to the same premises.
Well, it is hard to go out into the fields to talk to these men, but today we did. We went to ask them if they would be open to having a mass and dinner. Father just wants to offer them any community they will receive. We were successful. They said yes even though they hesitated for fear of their boss not letting them, but please keep this particular mission in your prayers. One man asked if there is someway he could do his first communion...it broke my heart, but hopefully something will be done for him.
Another aspect of my job is called Homeless Taskforce. We are trying to create a model that Christ in the City will hopefully eventually be, but in the meantime we are working with homeless shelters and food banks to get a feel for things. Tomorrow we are doing street ministry, which entails just building relationship with the homeless. They are human and deserve to be listened to just like anyone else.
All in all, things have been really intense. A lot of things going on inside me that I have not yet really had time to process, but the Lord truly provides the graces.
I miss you all. I really do. But the Lord has us each exactly where He can love us best, so let us embrace that love even when we feel we don't deserve it.
It is also my brother, Luis' and my uncle Gus' birthday today if you could say a prayer for them I would really appreciate that. Thank you.
I beginning to understand why the Lord in all of His ministry needed to retreat and have His alone time. Please pray that I may find that balance in serving Him and still serving my own needs.
In His grip,
Irms
Thursday, August 11, 2011
MADE: Catholic Edition
Remember that TV show MADE? This is the Catholic Edition. I want to be MADE into a Saint. 10 women, 1 House, 3 rooms, and 1 prayer closet.
The line up Abby, Bri, Kalynn, Kristin, Lindsay, Senite, Shaina, Vicki and I have been given a great blessing (or burden depending on the day) to live together in community to serve and love the poor in the mile high city of Denver.
Our daily life consists of an early wake up alarms begin going off anywhere between 6:00 a.m. to 6:35 a.m. ( yes I get up at 6:35 sometimes even 6:45.) We leave the house by 7:00 a.m. in order to make it to mass, morning prayer, personal prayer followed by a much needed breakfast. Around 9:30 a.m. our intellectual formation begins. We have listened to all kinds of great talks from an array of speakers on the human person, social teachings basically learning the intellectual side of why we are here. After, we pray the Angelus we have lunch ( well a sandwhich if you consider that lunch EVERYDAY AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH). We finish up the afternoon with some more lectures and then are released to our homes.
I usually try to take a nap, but fail because there are 10 women in ONE house...
We then have evening prayer, dinner and some type of community dialogue this will sometimes include the mens house, which consists of John, Joe, Phil, and Kevin. (A tad outnumbered you might say, so if you know of any men willing to give of their time and talents for the Lord send them our way)
Finally, we have night prayer to end our day. Many people at this time go to bed, but I have found it be quite relaxing to play a game of scrabble. Thus far, Abby and I have not been defeated.
The past week of training has just flown by, but it has truly been a blessing to be part of something so much bigger than oneself. It is a bit overwhelming to be entrusted with so much, but the Lord has a plan. He always lets us know He is in control and shows us how much we need to trust.
Our first mass together the Gospel was about the 5 loaves and 2 fish (Matthew 14: 13-21). The disciples came to Jesus and hold Him to just let the people go already because it was getting late and they didn't have enough food to give them. However, Jesus needed them to trust. He needed them to just give their all and He would make it happen. Jesus says to them no you feed them. The disciples at this point are so confused and just don't get it, but they do as He says and give him all they have.
This is what He does with us. Jesus takes our small offering, which usually are nowhere near enough, and makes miracles with them. Everyone was satisfied not because of what the disciples brought, but because of what Jesus did. However, Jesus needed the disciples to trust and give everything over. We cannot hold back anything from the Lord as small and simple as it may seem. He needs our all.
The folowing day we had the reading where Peter walks on water with Jesus and then he begins to sink. This is another example about trusting the Lord fully and not taking our eyes off of Him. Basically, everyday the Lord reveals to us why He has called each one of us here to Denver. More importantly He calls all of us to do His will. It will not look the same for everyone, but each is just as equally important. Even though we will fall because we focus on all the ways things are impossible instead of retreating back into the safety of the boat, which Peter could have done, let us call out to the Lord each time we fall.
He doesn't dissapoint.
"If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."
We are each called to do this in different ways. May the Lord continue to grant us the grace to do His will and may we never cease in seeking His grace.
Please continue to pray that all of our hearts may be more open to the Lords will and grow in love for others. Love will hurt, but it will not harm us. May we each have the courage to love more deeply.
The line up Abby, Bri, Kalynn, Kristin, Lindsay, Senite, Shaina, Vicki and I have been given a great blessing (or burden depending on the day) to live together in community to serve and love the poor in the mile high city of Denver.
Our daily life consists of an early wake up alarms begin going off anywhere between 6:00 a.m. to 6:35 a.m. ( yes I get up at 6:35 sometimes even 6:45.) We leave the house by 7:00 a.m. in order to make it to mass, morning prayer, personal prayer followed by a much needed breakfast. Around 9:30 a.m. our intellectual formation begins. We have listened to all kinds of great talks from an array of speakers on the human person, social teachings basically learning the intellectual side of why we are here. After, we pray the Angelus we have lunch ( well a sandwhich if you consider that lunch EVERYDAY AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH). We finish up the afternoon with some more lectures and then are released to our homes.
I usually try to take a nap, but fail because there are 10 women in ONE house...
We then have evening prayer, dinner and some type of community dialogue this will sometimes include the mens house, which consists of John, Joe, Phil, and Kevin. (A tad outnumbered you might say, so if you know of any men willing to give of their time and talents for the Lord send them our way)
Finally, we have night prayer to end our day. Many people at this time go to bed, but I have found it be quite relaxing to play a game of scrabble. Thus far, Abby and I have not been defeated.
The past week of training has just flown by, but it has truly been a blessing to be part of something so much bigger than oneself. It is a bit overwhelming to be entrusted with so much, but the Lord has a plan. He always lets us know He is in control and shows us how much we need to trust.
Our first mass together the Gospel was about the 5 loaves and 2 fish (Matthew 14: 13-21). The disciples came to Jesus and hold Him to just let the people go already because it was getting late and they didn't have enough food to give them. However, Jesus needed them to trust. He needed them to just give their all and He would make it happen. Jesus says to them no you feed them. The disciples at this point are so confused and just don't get it, but they do as He says and give him all they have.
This is what He does with us. Jesus takes our small offering, which usually are nowhere near enough, and makes miracles with them. Everyone was satisfied not because of what the disciples brought, but because of what Jesus did. However, Jesus needed the disciples to trust and give everything over. We cannot hold back anything from the Lord as small and simple as it may seem. He needs our all.
The folowing day we had the reading where Peter walks on water with Jesus and then he begins to sink. This is another example about trusting the Lord fully and not taking our eyes off of Him. Basically, everyday the Lord reveals to us why He has called each one of us here to Denver. More importantly He calls all of us to do His will. It will not look the same for everyone, but each is just as equally important. Even though we will fall because we focus on all the ways things are impossible instead of retreating back into the safety of the boat, which Peter could have done, let us call out to the Lord each time we fall.
He doesn't dissapoint.
"If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."
We are each called to do this in different ways. May the Lord continue to grant us the grace to do His will and may we never cease in seeking His grace.
Please continue to pray that all of our hearts may be more open to the Lords will and grow in love for others. Love will hurt, but it will not harm us. May we each have the courage to love more deeply.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
I love you this much...
I cry at the thought of good bye's, but I have come to accept they are a part of life. The only thing that is constant is change! Everytime I get ready to say good bye I always feel like I need to show people how much they are loved. I believe each person deserves to know how much they are loved at every moment, but the reality is we are human and we are fallen. Everytime I begin to say good bye I scramble to gather my words and hopefully get closure from my friends and let them know how much I love them. I realized this time around that I fail to truly love in the way that I ought. The beauty is everytime we feel unloved, ignored, forgotten or alone...we aren't.
Jesus is on that cross saying "I love you this much!"
Transitions for me (or for any of us) are not very easy. It is a time were I realize how much I have grown since my last transition and how much I have yet to grow. The Lord in every moment is trying to show us look I love you this much. I am up on this cross so that you can be free. Free to love.
I once heard that the Lord first bled from his heart in the agnoy in the garden. As he knelt and ask God the Father if there was any other way to let the cup pass from Him, but He knew that this was a purpose only He could fulfill. It is the same for each one of us. No matter how hard it is to transition into the new phase of life we are the only ones that can do the work that we are called to do. It is not always easy and many times I have thought Lord please pick someone else. I can't do this. The truth is I can't, but He CAN. I realized how much i need to trust in the Lord... He is our Father. He has not given us a cross that is too heavy. We each are able to do His will only with His help it is only in the moments that we try to do things on our own that we dispair and fail. We must remember that we each are created for the journey we are on. He wants to love us best in the very place we are at. Here and Now!
I realized I needed to say yes to the Lord because each one of our yes' affects whether other people are able to say yes to God as well. It matters. my yes matters. If it wasn't for the people that said yes to the Lord before me I would not be as free to say yes to Him. Your Yes Matters!Look at that cross and embrace it...the Lord loves you this much and He will always fight for you because YOU matter. Every one of us matters and the Lord loves us all. He hangs on that cross which we each put Him on and says, "I Love You This Much! Trust that I have a plan for you!"
I am sad to leave you all, but I thank God for each one of you in my life because without you I could not be the person that I am, so thank you! Thank you for showing me Christ's love. Words cannot sum up how blessed I am to have been on this earth as the same time as you and that God allowed our paths to cross.
Currently I have arrived safely in Denver, CO. I am all moved in and I am living with 9 other wonderful women of God. There is in total 14 missionaries please keep us in your prayers as we strive to do the Lord's will in our lives and show the city of Denver Christ's unconditional love.
Pray for me and I will pray for you. See you in the Eucharist!
Jesus is on that cross saying "I love you this much!"
Transitions for me (or for any of us) are not very easy. It is a time were I realize how much I have grown since my last transition and how much I have yet to grow. The Lord in every moment is trying to show us look I love you this much. I am up on this cross so that you can be free. Free to love.
I once heard that the Lord first bled from his heart in the agnoy in the garden. As he knelt and ask God the Father if there was any other way to let the cup pass from Him, but He knew that this was a purpose only He could fulfill. It is the same for each one of us. No matter how hard it is to transition into the new phase of life we are the only ones that can do the work that we are called to do. It is not always easy and many times I have thought Lord please pick someone else. I can't do this. The truth is I can't, but He CAN. I realized how much i need to trust in the Lord... He is our Father. He has not given us a cross that is too heavy. We each are able to do His will only with His help it is only in the moments that we try to do things on our own that we dispair and fail. We must remember that we each are created for the journey we are on. He wants to love us best in the very place we are at. Here and Now!
I realized I needed to say yes to the Lord because each one of our yes' affects whether other people are able to say yes to God as well. It matters. my yes matters. If it wasn't for the people that said yes to the Lord before me I would not be as free to say yes to Him. Your Yes Matters!Look at that cross and embrace it...the Lord loves you this much and He will always fight for you because YOU matter. Every one of us matters and the Lord loves us all. He hangs on that cross which we each put Him on and says, "I Love You This Much! Trust that I have a plan for you!"
I am sad to leave you all, but I thank God for each one of you in my life because without you I could not be the person that I am, so thank you! Thank you for showing me Christ's love. Words cannot sum up how blessed I am to have been on this earth as the same time as you and that God allowed our paths to cross.
Currently I have arrived safely in Denver, CO. I am all moved in and I am living with 9 other wonderful women of God. There is in total 14 missionaries please keep us in your prayers as we strive to do the Lord's will in our lives and show the city of Denver Christ's unconditional love.
Pray for me and I will pray for you. See you in the Eucharist!
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