Boundaries

I always believed I was a pretty self-aware kind of person, but never really wanted a label. Especially not to be classified as such and such temperament. However, as a community we took a termperament test and well this is what it came up with....

The choleric-melancholic mixture combines two passionate and persevering temperaments to create a strong leader with the ability to envision a great plan of action — someone who is both meticulous and strategic. The tendency of the choleric to make hasty, often sweeping judgments will be tempered by the melancholic’s careful analysis and reflection. The tendency of the melancholic to be moody, hyper-critical, and slow to act will be counter-balanced by the optimism and practicality of the choleric. Thus, the choleric-melancholic will be capable of decisive -- yet well-thought-out— action and will be thoroughly productive.

If you are a choleric-melancholic, you will have a quick, analytical mind, possibly with a great attention to detail, with a strong sense of order and discipline. You will be more extraverted than a pure melancholic or a melancholic-choleric, and you are able to take on more projects and accomplish more things than a pure melancholic would be capable of. Furthermore, your pragmatism will receive the additional value of noble and high ideals, so you will likely be a very conscientious employee. You will likely have a strong analytical mind, holding other people and institutions to high standards. Both the melancholic and choleric temperaments retain their impressions for a long time—so you will have the capacity to persevere in achieving your goals—as well as holding onto to a grudge and being unforgiving!

Driven, yet self-sacrificing and a lover of truth, the choleric-melancholic can accomplish great things. Without human and spiritual formation, however, this mixture can result in an individual who is proud and obstinate, with deep anger and resentment. They can be opinionated, critical, and judgmental. The quick intelligence of the choleric combined with the tendency to think they are always right, might make those with this temperament mixture autocratic, moody, arrogant, and anti-social.

The scary part about this whole analysis is that it is very accurate all the way from my strengths to my weaknesses. It was a really great way to better understand the people in my community and for them to understand me. For those of  you who know me i am sure most of that information is not new, but for the rest of you...welcome to my life :)

One of the saints that I have always related to, St. Paul, is this similar choleric temperament. During mass this past Sunday and the second reading hit the core of me. To live is Christ, and to die is gain.

I have always had this longing for death...I know it sounds awful, but it isn't and St. Paul explains it very well in his letter to the Philippians. This world is meant to be only temporary and our ultimate goal is union with God in Heaven. However, If we are on this earth we cannot just wait till we die, but must have fruitful labor in order to glorify God. Then, when we die we will have union with Him. He puts us on this earth not just for our own sanctification process, but for us to be able to help those around us. We are in charge of not only our soul, but must live our lives so that we may be a witness to those God has entrusted to us.

So then...Why do we isolate ourselves? Why do we allow for boundaries to keep others out?
Boundaries. We usually think of boundaries as necessary and good, but what if we are wrong? What if in calling ourselves private and separating ourselves ( in order to protect ourselves) we are actually hurting ourselves?

During our community formation nights we discussed this topic in terms of happiness. We are all searching for happiness. We all have a longing to be fulfilled. We all want to do the Lords will...why...because essentially this will bring us happiness. However, the way the world views this is flawed, because for some reason we believe that happiness is a state of well-being and contentment or a pleasurable or satisfying experience .

But all of that is a lie. Christ on the cross is the way we attain happiness. He knew He was doing the Lord's will, which brings us all  happiness, but I can't image our modern definition of happiness would be a way to describe His Crucifixion.

The world has sold us the idea that certain people are worth trusting and allowing into our boundaries, while others are not. However, this is not true. The only thing this lie does is isolate us from each other. Living in community we need to learn to love each other, but how can we truly do that if we don't allow the other into our lives? Why are we afraid of being hurt? Loving hurts, but it will not harm us. The cross hurt, but it did not harm Him.

We need to let go of this idea of privacy, because it is destroying us. We were not created to be alone, yet we willing put up boundaries. Isolation only leads to loneliness, which does not lead to happiness. Happiness lies in surrendering. We must surrender to the Lord's will in our lives, which means being in communion with those He has entrusted in our lives. We can't be in communion with them unless we remove these boundaries. We must stop being afraid of hurt and allow ourselves to truly love.

We need to step outside our comfort and go the extra mile in being involved in the lives of those around us. We need to allow them into our lives. Our goal on this earth is to be Christ to each other, but how can we do that when we don't even actually commit to being involved in each others life?

We must remember our ways are not the Lord's ways. We have this natural inclination to run from anything that might hurt, but the reality is we are called to embrace the cross. It is where mercy and love meet.
In embracing our cross we are able to do the Lord's will and in the end truly attain happiness.

We need to stop make excuses of why we can't get along with so and so. We need to stop making excuses of why we can't be open and honest with each other. In the end everything will be revealed, so why do we try to hide it now? How can we grow in holiness if we are not willing to admit our failings? We are truly one body in Christ and unless we are committed to each other the devil will divide and conquer us.

What is the worst that can happen if we let others into our lives? They will reject us? Well considerate a moment to be in union with Christ for He has experienced a greater rejection than many of us ever will. We are afraid of betrayal? All of the things that we are scared of the Lord has conquered.

The homeless we encounter experience this deep isolation. They are rejected by society because they are seen as useless. How can we be okay with that? If anyone ever needed a great support system it would be those that are on the streets without anyone. Yet, we are afraid to commit to them why? Because it will hurt. If we don't commit to them then who will? Many do suffer from addictions, but those are the ones that need the most love. The Lord didn't come to call the righteous, but the sinners. The healthy don't need a healer. We need to be that Christ to them and in turn they will be Christ to us.

May we not be afraid to love those around us that God has entrusted to us.

Even though it will hurt us, it cannot harm us.

Surrender

What if i am wrong in believing that if i just do the right things and say the right things life will be better. Everything will be okay and I will finally be happy. Why do I believe the lies the world tells me. Why gain the whole wide world If I am jus goin to loose my soul? Many times I try to control how things our going to turn out in my life, but it never ends up the way I want it to.

In the end there is always suffering and pain, but the difference lies in whether I suffer for and with Christ or alone in the world pursuing the lies it sells.

This past sundays readings hit me really hard. There are many things that happen in life where we have every right to be angry and want justice, but the reality is that being angry and holding a grudge doesn't solve anything. Anger actually only prevents us from receiving the Lords grace. How do we expect to be forgiven for our sins, when we can't even forgive so and so for this and that.
How does it make any sense for us to beg for mercy when we are not willing to be merciful.

This hit me hard because...who do I think that I am...I am truly an unworthy sinner, but the Lord loves me unconditionally no matter how many times I have chosen things that will separate me from Him. No matter how many times I have chosen to walk away from Him and disrespect Him...He still loves me. There is nothing that I can do for Him to love me more or less.

The only thing that is in my power is whether I choose to first, accept His love and then live according to His love. The same thing when dealing with other people. They may hurt us and cause us pain that we don't deserve, but the only thing we have control over is whether we get angry and stay angry or whether we forgive.

Sometimes forgiveness is seen as weakness because people say how can you let them do that to you etc etc, but what do you think Jesus heard as we was carrying His cross? Many said if you are the Son of God then get yourself off this cross, but instead of doing that, which He could have He looked up into the heavens and said Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.
He was a a Innocent man made to suffer like a criminal.

Why do we expect anything different for our lives?

In our suffering we can choose to unite ourselves with God and be lifted up with Him in glory or we can hold on to anger and wrath.

Let us not be fooled by the devil any longer. Our desires as Christian is that every man will be raised up in Glory with God. This includes our enemies, the ones that annoy, frustrate and hurts us. We must be willing to forgive in order to be forgiven. In the end the Lord is the judge and He will deal out justice, not us. Therefore, lets free ourselves from the chains of anger.

May we have the courage to beg the Lord for mercy and the strength to unite ourselves to the cross and be merciful to those that hurt us.

Amen.

Here I Am

Can you recall this past Sunday's readings? In the first reading Jeremiah is trying to fight the Lord, just like we fight God, but admits that the very name of God becomes like burning fire in his heart that he can no longer contain inside himself. This is true for all of us. There comes a time when we either accept our cross and carry it, with this comes persecution, or we try to pretend we have nothing to share, but inside of us something is still there and it will not leave us alone.

You know you have those moments when God has won in your life and you are happy He has...that was how I felt on Sunday upon hearing this first reading. I, like many of my friends, have been duped by the Lord. We have tasted true joy and love and nothing else will ever satisfy. I am His dignified instrument to share love and truth to the rest of the world and I cannot keep inside me everything He has given me no matter how hard it gets to share that.

On the streets its been interesting for me to experience persecution. I am not really someone people confront and disagree with often (shocker I know) but on the streets some people just see the name Christ on my shirt and they come at me with everything they got. My natural instinct is to get angry, but instead I just listen to them and accept it because someone else has hurt them using the name of Christ. Someone else has wounded them and I am unified with Christ because all I want to do is talk to them, but they are too closed off because they are afraid of being hurt. They are so closed off that love and grace also cannot come in. It is humbling because I lose my identity and all they see is the name of Christ, which I guess is the way it is supposed to be, but if only they knew the truth of who Christ is.

Psalm 62 and 63 are my favorite because they bring me into that love relationship with Christ. My soul clings fast to you, O Lord! We cannot do anything unless we realize how much we NEED God. Our world preaches autonomy, but this is not how we were created. We were created to be children of God and completely rely upon Him for everything, but since He has given us the capacity to reason and freewill to choose we can refuse His help. However, even if convince ourselves we don't need God our souls do need Him. Our souls thirst for Him and nothing else can satisfy. 

There is a certain part of Denver that this man I met calls The Great Depression. It is a place where drug dealers and addicts hang out 24/7. Everyone knows about it, but everyone has given up hope on the people that are enslaved to their fleshly desires. The cops no longer do anything to actually help them and the general public is to afraid to go near there or to even acknowledge them. But they are human and in all their desiring they need the love of Christ.

Man being given the likeness with God shows that the essence and existence of man is related to God in a very profound way. Man can deny, ignore, forget or even dismiss any relationship with God, but the connection of man's dignity coming from God can never be eliminated. Man is who he is because God is who he is. Man is on a constant search for something outside himself, but often gets enslaved to other things that he believe will make him free, but actually has the opposite effect. I drink because I want to forget how sad I am, but it is actually a depressant and will make things worse. I want to do this or that drug because I just rather not feel the awful reality that is going on around me, but then the addiction becomes the problem and everything around you falls apart... etc.

God has put eternity into man's heart and mind, but the devil often wants us to forget about eternity. Instead, to just live weekend to weekend, but unless we are conscience of the fact that everything we do goes beyond weekend to weekend, but affects eternity we might start living differently. Our reason is the gift of being able to discern between good and evil and our freewill the gift of choosing our path. However, choosing evil (something that goes our nature) is not freeing, but it enslaves.

St. Augustine said it best, "You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you."

"Do not conform yourselves to this age
but be transformed by the renewal of your mind,
that you may discern what is the will of God,
what is good and pleasing and perfect."


In the Gospel God calls us to 3 things in life:
1. to deny ourselves: we weren't created just to be free and exist on this earth, but to be in a love relationship with God. to love and be loved.
2. to take up our cross: every cross is different, every human being is different and only you can carry the cross given to you. His grace will be enough and even when it seems hopeless and impossible it isn't if you surrender to God and truly trust Him.
3. to follow Him: may our will be to do His will.

Here I am Lord. Ready to do as you wish. Knowing I am truly incapable of anything great, but if you will it I will try.

I have the blessing to live with other beautiful women who have surrendered a year of their lives to the Lord. I want to introduce one in particular today. Her name is Hollyn a.k.a Ballin' Hollyn.

Hollyn is full of joy and peace. She brings a sense of comfort to our home. That big joyful smile is contagious and real. I was telling her how much I loved that I could just BE with her in silence and its not uncomfortable, but actually really freeing because she just is who she is. Her response was, " I am not good at making up stories, so this is who I am." She is pretty neat and just wanted to share that with you all instead of just me and abby knowin' it ;)

 I must also admit that in a previous blog post I actually forgot to include Hollyn's name as a member of our household so this is my way of making up for that.
 Love you, Ballin' Hollyn.

Please continue to pray for us as we strive to surrender to the Lords love, so that in turn we may better radiate that love to each other and those we serve.