Boundaries

I always believed I was a pretty self-aware kind of person, but never really wanted a label. Especially not to be classified as such and such temperament. However, as a community we took a termperament test and well this is what it came up with....

The choleric-melancholic mixture combines two passionate and persevering temperaments to create a strong leader with the ability to envision a great plan of action — someone who is both meticulous and strategic. The tendency of the choleric to make hasty, often sweeping judgments will be tempered by the melancholic’s careful analysis and reflection. The tendency of the melancholic to be moody, hyper-critical, and slow to act will be counter-balanced by the optimism and practicality of the choleric. Thus, the choleric-melancholic will be capable of decisive -- yet well-thought-out— action and will be thoroughly productive.

If you are a choleric-melancholic, you will have a quick, analytical mind, possibly with a great attention to detail, with a strong sense of order and discipline. You will be more extraverted than a pure melancholic or a melancholic-choleric, and you are able to take on more projects and accomplish more things than a pure melancholic would be capable of. Furthermore, your pragmatism will receive the additional value of noble and high ideals, so you will likely be a very conscientious employee. You will likely have a strong analytical mind, holding other people and institutions to high standards. Both the melancholic and choleric temperaments retain their impressions for a long time—so you will have the capacity to persevere in achieving your goals—as well as holding onto to a grudge and being unforgiving!

Driven, yet self-sacrificing and a lover of truth, the choleric-melancholic can accomplish great things. Without human and spiritual formation, however, this mixture can result in an individual who is proud and obstinate, with deep anger and resentment. They can be opinionated, critical, and judgmental. The quick intelligence of the choleric combined with the tendency to think they are always right, might make those with this temperament mixture autocratic, moody, arrogant, and anti-social.

The scary part about this whole analysis is that it is very accurate all the way from my strengths to my weaknesses. It was a really great way to better understand the people in my community and for them to understand me. For those of  you who know me i am sure most of that information is not new, but for the rest of you...welcome to my life :)

One of the saints that I have always related to, St. Paul, is this similar choleric temperament. During mass this past Sunday and the second reading hit the core of me. To live is Christ, and to die is gain.

I have always had this longing for death...I know it sounds awful, but it isn't and St. Paul explains it very well in his letter to the Philippians. This world is meant to be only temporary and our ultimate goal is union with God in Heaven. However, If we are on this earth we cannot just wait till we die, but must have fruitful labor in order to glorify God. Then, when we die we will have union with Him. He puts us on this earth not just for our own sanctification process, but for us to be able to help those around us. We are in charge of not only our soul, but must live our lives so that we may be a witness to those God has entrusted to us.

So then...Why do we isolate ourselves? Why do we allow for boundaries to keep others out?
Boundaries. We usually think of boundaries as necessary and good, but what if we are wrong? What if in calling ourselves private and separating ourselves ( in order to protect ourselves) we are actually hurting ourselves?

During our community formation nights we discussed this topic in terms of happiness. We are all searching for happiness. We all have a longing to be fulfilled. We all want to do the Lords will...why...because essentially this will bring us happiness. However, the way the world views this is flawed, because for some reason we believe that happiness is a state of well-being and contentment or a pleasurable or satisfying experience .

But all of that is a lie. Christ on the cross is the way we attain happiness. He knew He was doing the Lord's will, which brings us all  happiness, but I can't image our modern definition of happiness would be a way to describe His Crucifixion.

The world has sold us the idea that certain people are worth trusting and allowing into our boundaries, while others are not. However, this is not true. The only thing this lie does is isolate us from each other. Living in community we need to learn to love each other, but how can we truly do that if we don't allow the other into our lives? Why are we afraid of being hurt? Loving hurts, but it will not harm us. The cross hurt, but it did not harm Him.

We need to let go of this idea of privacy, because it is destroying us. We were not created to be alone, yet we willing put up boundaries. Isolation only leads to loneliness, which does not lead to happiness. Happiness lies in surrendering. We must surrender to the Lord's will in our lives, which means being in communion with those He has entrusted in our lives. We can't be in communion with them unless we remove these boundaries. We must stop being afraid of hurt and allow ourselves to truly love.

We need to step outside our comfort and go the extra mile in being involved in the lives of those around us. We need to allow them into our lives. Our goal on this earth is to be Christ to each other, but how can we do that when we don't even actually commit to being involved in each others life?

We must remember our ways are not the Lord's ways. We have this natural inclination to run from anything that might hurt, but the reality is we are called to embrace the cross. It is where mercy and love meet.
In embracing our cross we are able to do the Lord's will and in the end truly attain happiness.

We need to stop make excuses of why we can't get along with so and so. We need to stop making excuses of why we can't be open and honest with each other. In the end everything will be revealed, so why do we try to hide it now? How can we grow in holiness if we are not willing to admit our failings? We are truly one body in Christ and unless we are committed to each other the devil will divide and conquer us.

What is the worst that can happen if we let others into our lives? They will reject us? Well considerate a moment to be in union with Christ for He has experienced a greater rejection than many of us ever will. We are afraid of betrayal? All of the things that we are scared of the Lord has conquered.

The homeless we encounter experience this deep isolation. They are rejected by society because they are seen as useless. How can we be okay with that? If anyone ever needed a great support system it would be those that are on the streets without anyone. Yet, we are afraid to commit to them why? Because it will hurt. If we don't commit to them then who will? Many do suffer from addictions, but those are the ones that need the most love. The Lord didn't come to call the righteous, but the sinners. The healthy don't need a healer. We need to be that Christ to them and in turn they will be Christ to us.

May we not be afraid to love those around us that God has entrusted to us.

Even though it will hurt us, it cannot harm us.