Blessings

Friends have been a blessing in my life, both new and old. Everyday God gives us new people to befriend even if its just for that day. I have had the wonderful blessing of having 3 friends come visit me and be a part of Christ in the City even if just for a brief moment. I love watching my housemates just take them in like they are part of the community. It is what we are learning to do. Learning to love people as they are no matter who they are just because they are a Child of God.

Doing this on the street at times can be easier than doing it at home. But if we can't do it at home then it doesn't matter that we have done it on the street because it isn't truly genuine. This has been one of my hardest struggles.

I am reading this book called "But I have Called You Friends" by Mother Mary Francis a Poor Clare. It is a series of reflection on the art of Christian friendship that she gave to her sisters. She basically makes they statement that what is wrong with the world is that we have failed to be friends with one another. She defines friendship in 3 elements: esteem, respect, and affection. "There is no real love of any kind that is not rooted in friendship" 

Mother Mary Francis breaks down the work respect to is Latin meaning re and spectare.

"We have spectare, 'to look' and re, 'again'. The real meaning of the word 'respect' is 'to look again'; and I say more particularly to look again and again. When we do not have friendships with people, this is basically the reason. We haven't looked again and very specifically, we haven't looked again and again and maybe again. Often we do not like the first look when we look at people, and so-- that's it. We just turn off and decide, without pondering deeply. We have an unfortunate psychological reflex in this area: we look once, say 'no like', and decide without reasoning about it, of course, that we will have a different kind of relationship than friendship with this person."

After I read this I just couldn't believe how guilty of this I was. This book is changing my prespective on what true friendship is and how i am truly called to love. She quotes Charles Lamb "that it is impossible to dislike anyone whom we really know." Mother Mary Francis states: the trouble is we think taht we know people, and we really don't know them at all.

It is amazing to stop and think about that. How many times do we make assumptions about other people? How many times do we listen to what others say about people instead of just actually encountering that person ourselves. How many times do we think we know why that person is acting this way or that way, but the reality is we are wrong.

I see this a lot with the homeless I encounter. When I talk to a non-homeless person they have all these assumptions about homeless people or our media has filled us with certain assumptions about homeless people. As I encounter the homeless I realize how wrong they are.

These men and women are just everyday people like you and me like to think we are.  They have had a string of bad luck and no one to support them through it. No one to look at them again and again and telling them that they are worth loving just because they are. Instead, we look at them and think how unproductive to society they are and we just need to get rid of them. A person's worth has apparently become with how useful they are. This is sad.

How many times have you done something or said something and later regreted it? What if no one forgave you? What if no one helped you through that time of dispair? What is no one was there to tell you that they still love you?

The homeless are a very vulnerable population and need love just like you and me. They need God just like you and me, but if all we do is throw change at them and fail to truly look them in the eyes what good does that do? Our dignity comes from God because God created us in His image and likeness. We cannot continue taking that away from people by ignoring them just because it makes us uncomfortable or do not like what we see at a glance. No one sits in a classroom as a child and says I want to be homeless when I grow up.

It is time to look at them with compassion. It is easy to just write them off because no one cares about them, but I care. I am part of a beautiful community of Missionaries that care. It is okay to care. It is okay to love.

We had the wonderful opportunity of sharing our blessings with them last week.

We had our first Thanksgiving meal with the homeless. It was beautiful to watch unfold because these people are no longer strangers that I met, but they truly are friends that I love. We can't save them or change them that's God's job, but we can love them. We can look at them and let them truly look at us and share in what God has given us, Life.

May this thanksgiving you truly be thankful for all that you have even if you think it isn't much. There are many people not just in foreign countries, but right down the street that have nothing and no one.

Pray for them specifically Tom, Marty, Darell, and Dan.

Here is a  video one of our missionaries made regarding the event: thanksgiving video

Also another note about friends my dear friend April Dolezal just got engaged to Mr. Dan Sobota. Please pray for them and their engagement! :)

Love and Mercy

It's been awhile since my last entry and the reality is I am having a difficult time truly acknowledging all the things the Lord is asking of me...Turns out love and mercy is what is being asked of me. These two gifts have been freely given, yet i do not offer it freely to those around me. I have experienced suffering in such a way that I hesitate to open myself up to love and mercy. Both in giving it and receiving it.

I realize that I can no longer be selfish by withholding these gifts from others. I also have come to acknowledge the fact that the Lord doesn't just want us to suffer, but that we are actually meant to be joyful in the things we do.Many times we do things out of obligation, but don't actually enjoy it. There is a certain degree that it is necessary to do things that make us uncomfortable, but there is another where we are just stubborn and are not open to what the Lord is trying to show us.

How does focusing on how things should be help anyone when all it does is makes us angry, frustrated or annoyed? Instead we should humble ourselves because our ways are not the Lord's way, so when we think things are completely wrong we could actually just be missing what God is trying to show us. We need to stop thinking we know what's best and just be open to the Lord's gifts.

This can look very different in each of our lives, but we must be honest with ourselves and truly be open to what the Lord has in store even when it comes in a disguise that we don't like. That person that annoys you is in your life for a reason. But if all you can think about is how much they annoy you then you will never see Christ in them and what He is bringing to you at that moment.

Lets begin with mercy. why do we think we are worth forgiving and others are not? Or even why do we refuse the Lord's mercy and not forgive ourselves? How prideful are we? God freely gave His life for us to love and redeem us. How can we be prideful to reject it or selfish enough to now share it? How do we expect to grow if we just continually avoid the things that cause us growing pains? Love hurts because it causes both parties to change. The person loving has to learn to be selfless in giving (in the way that is best for the other person) and the person receiving needs to learn to be open to receive (even when it is not easy to let other in) and vice-versa.

Surrender is the most active thing we can do when it come to the Lords love and mercy. He hangs on that cross full of love and mercy for each one of us. He awaits patiently for us to receive it.

Why are we afraid to receive it? We don't feel we are worthy. How dare you reject the Lords love that way. Its already yours. There is nothing you can do to make it more or less. He loves you just because you are.
We do things, like sin, to separate ourselves from Him, but He still loves us. However, we must ask for forgiveness. Even though mercy is free and ours it needs to be chosen and accepted. He gives us love and mercy freely. He doesn't force it on us.

How come we are selfish with the Love and mercy that is freely given to us?
Why cant we give love and mercy to those around us?
Here is the clincher. God gives you mercy and love, but the thing you must do is past it on because if you don't how do you expect to continually be forgiven if you cannot forgive?

The lie of superiority in our society is ruining us. Why do we think some people are better and worth more than others? Why do you think you are any better than the person next to you? This lie destroys our sense of community it is why we see some people as less then human. Because we think we are better than that person over there.  At times you even breathe a sigh of relief and say at least i am not like that or at least I am not doing that, but the reality is it doesn't matter what other people are like because God knows everything in the depths of your own heart. Holiness is not lived out the same for everyone. If you are not growing in virtue and being purified then you are living a lie. Judging others worth does not help us grow in holiness. It distracts us from how we need to change instead it gives us comfort and peace. If all you are seeking is comfort and how to have a "happy, painless life" then you are not looking at the world through the correct lens.

You have been put on this earth for a purpose, a mission and its not for your own selfishness. We may not all be called to be missionaries on the streets, but we are all called to love and to be merciful. To love as the Lord loves us, without conditions. To forgive as much as the Lord forgives us. Endless amounts of times.

For example: many times it is easier to just say well that person is just going to drink and beg for money so they are choosing homelessness so i don't have to feel bad for not helping them because if i do i will just be enabling. However, why do we put ourselves in the judge position. We are not called to see what members of society are worth or not worth investing in, but we are called to love ALL. We are all EQUAL. Ain't that some craziness.

You are no better than the homeless person on that street corner that you avoid making eye contact with because you don't want to feel guilty. Instead you take away their dignity by doing that. The least you can do is look them in the eyes and see your own reflection. You might not be poor in material things but you too are poor in some way.

They at least humble themselves to ask for it. You think they enjoy standing on street corners being rejected and ignored time and time again? You say why don't they just go find a job instead of standing there, but it is so easy for us to judge, why cant it be that easy to love?

We are NEVER going to end poverty and homelessness or pain and suffering, but what are we going to tell Jesus when He asks us how did we love those around us?

oh sorry man, i didn't think they were self-motivated enough to get themselves out of poverty, so i just ignored them because it was lost cause. Or how about I thought they just wanted to be homeless, so i didn't think they wanted me to love them.  Or how about they got themselves into that mess they should work hard to get out of it.

It is a really good thing that God's ways are not our way's because otherwise none us would make it to heaven. This however is not an excuse to just say well I cant do as good as job as God so I am just not going to try. On the contrary, God needs you to give it your all and try in order for His graces to be poured out.

He needs you to give the little bit of loaves and fish you have in order to feed the thousands. He needs your hands to do the work. He needs your heart to love. He needs you to do His will in order for others to experience the same love and mercy He gives you.

Please don't be so quick to judge those around you. You are NO better. When God created you He didn't say oh every one else is eh okay, but this one is very good. No! He said we were all equally good created in His image and likeness.

Sometimes we are too blinded by the way we think things should be that we miss entirely what is actually in front of us. Instead of thinking how that person should just get a job and off the streets look again and see Christ being rejected....are you going to reject Him too and just pretend you didn't see Him.  Or that you didn't have enough time...

God gives us the poor for our own salvation. He allows suffering (not because He enjoys to see us sufffer) to occur for our own purification and growth. If everything was comfortable and easy how would we grow in virtue? We need them as much as they need us. If we don't take care of the poor who will? If the poor don't shake us out of our comfort who will?

We don't even realize how much we are lacking because we have it all materially, but when you encounter the poor you get to see how much you are truly lacking. We think we need to "do" all the time, but we are humanBEINGS not human doers.We forget that.

We are also meant to live in the present and remember we are just passing through in this world. Instead we save tons of money and food in order to prepare for the future, but there are so many people that need that NOW, but we are selfish and want it just in case for ourselves for later. Even though that later may never come. We also fail to allow God's providence to work because we do it all ourselves, but we weren't created for ourselves. We were created to be in a loving relationship with God our creator. Instead, we use Him only for emergencies.

Regardless, He remains faithful to us and still gives, but we sadly don't allow ourselves to be open to receive because we are too busy planning for what might happen instead of acknowledging what is happening in the here and now.

Look I am not trying to make you feel bad about what the Lord has blessed you with, but I am calling you to do something. Look at your life. It has been a gift from the beginning, so share it. Give in the ways that you can. If its not money, then give of your talents and time. Every little bit helps. The other thing it isn't about you and what you do or give, but its about being open to what the Lord wants you to learn and experience.

It is good to pray for others, but there comes a time when we must act. We must actually do something. Love is prayer in action. That action may be as simple as "just being there" with someone in need. We need to learn to be like Mary and John at the foot of the cross. They didn't do anything except BE with the Lord and love Him.

Lets us Be open to the Lord's will. Let us Be the Love God created us to Be and share the gifts He has blessed us with.

Decide

The Lord has given us freewill to choose how we are to live our lives, but this does not mean that there isn't a way of life that is actually more fulfilling to who we are as human beings because their actually is a right and a wrong path. This truth hurts especially in our society where people don't want to hurt another feelings or just want to avoid difficult conversations for their own sake, but the reality is that everything our world has to offer isn't always beneficial for growth in virtue and if we don't grow in virtue then you are not fulfilling your own humanity.

Life is hard and we are constantly faced with difficult decisions, but the beauty is we don't have to do it alone and there are many who have gone before us and have been able to make the right decisions.
Our commitment to live life for Christ is a radical one. If we think its going to be a walk in the park; we are wrong. It is actually going to be a walk up to Calvary for our own crucifixion. I know this might sound really intense and possibly too much, but what else are we on this earth for?

We are pilgrims on a journey to Heaven. God will definitely give you the grace to be able to live for Him, but He needs everything you have. He needs  your 100% commitment that you will do everything in your power to choose Him. This might mean something different for everyone. We are not all called to be missionaries to the homeless in a third world country, but we are Christians on a mission and we need to figure what that looks life for our own unique lives.

The same way God called us into being, which was uniquely different for each one of us the same way God calls us to serve Him on this earth. The biggest thing we must remember is we were created to love and be loved. What are you doing to better love and receive love from the people you encounter each day?

I truly believe that aspect of privacy and comfort are the 2 big lies that our world sells us that we have all bought into. We want our own space, we don't want people to know what going on in our lives, but yet at the same time we desire people to be with us. Therefore, we have a screening process for people to see if they are worthy of being let in and loving them. Can you image if Jesus did that? If when someone approached Him He would have have said okay after three months I will evaluate whether you are worth loving. I understand the argument when people say that we are not Jesus, but the reality is that is a lie.

We were created in the image and likeness of God. We were created to be Christ's to each other to love one another as He has loved us. We can only love others because we were loved first by God. so why do we have more reservations to love those around us? is it because we are afraid of being hurt? What if loving that person next to you the way God loves you would change their lives? Is a little bit of hurt a small price to pay for the greater glory of God? Is the walk up to Calvary a small price to pay in order to be united in the Resurrection?

We are called to live in this world while having our eyes set on the Kingdom. We have been giving the ability to choose. He is not going to force us into one thing or the other, but as God is trying to lead us on the right path at the same time the evils of this world are trying to evangelize us too. Except everything they sell seems great, but always falls short.

We have to put our hand in Jesus' hand and walk ahead because if we look back we will want to go back. (Mother Teresa I believe...) The things of this world which are empty, seem appealing and we desire them because essentially the world is good because it is God's creation, but it has been corrupted by sin and now only appears good. Also, the reality is that sometimes we are called to leave things which are good for the sake of our own salvation. for example: family. Family will always be something that holds us back, but God comes before everything including family. You think Jesus wanted to leave Mama Mary? No, but He knew that for the greater good of man He had to do what He was put on earth to do. Only He could fulfill that mission. The same is with us. We all have a mission that is unique to us and no one else can fulfill it, so we must say Yes and live out that commitment no matter how hard it gets. Remember it will hurt, but it will not harm you.

The passage that renews this commitment to me is Luke 9: 57-62:

As Jesus and his disciples were proceeding
on their journey, someone said to him,
"I will follow you wherever you go."
Jesus answered him,
"Foxes have dens and birds of the sky have nests,
but the Son of Man has nowhere to rest his head."
And to another he said, "Follow me."
But he replied, "Lord, let me go first and bury my father."
But he answered him, "Let the dead bury their dead.
But you, go and proclaim the Kingdom of God."
And another said, "I will follow you, Lord,
but first let me say farewell to my family at home."
Jesus answered him, "No one who sets a hand to the plow
and looks to what was left behind is fit for the Kingdom of God."

Let us have the courage to say Yes to the Lord and actually do what we say we will do. He doesn't disappoint and everything we give up on this earth for the sake of the Kingdom will be re payed in Heaven. He will give us the grace we need in order to do His will, but we must ask for that. May we be open to the road that God has for us to walk on in this life no matter how difficult and uncomfortable it may be.

As a dear housemate always says how long is it going to take for us to finally be uncomfortable with being comfortable.

Boundaries

I always believed I was a pretty self-aware kind of person, but never really wanted a label. Especially not to be classified as such and such temperament. However, as a community we took a termperament test and well this is what it came up with....

The choleric-melancholic mixture combines two passionate and persevering temperaments to create a strong leader with the ability to envision a great plan of action — someone who is both meticulous and strategic. The tendency of the choleric to make hasty, often sweeping judgments will be tempered by the melancholic’s careful analysis and reflection. The tendency of the melancholic to be moody, hyper-critical, and slow to act will be counter-balanced by the optimism and practicality of the choleric. Thus, the choleric-melancholic will be capable of decisive -- yet well-thought-out— action and will be thoroughly productive.

If you are a choleric-melancholic, you will have a quick, analytical mind, possibly with a great attention to detail, with a strong sense of order and discipline. You will be more extraverted than a pure melancholic or a melancholic-choleric, and you are able to take on more projects and accomplish more things than a pure melancholic would be capable of. Furthermore, your pragmatism will receive the additional value of noble and high ideals, so you will likely be a very conscientious employee. You will likely have a strong analytical mind, holding other people and institutions to high standards. Both the melancholic and choleric temperaments retain their impressions for a long time—so you will have the capacity to persevere in achieving your goals—as well as holding onto to a grudge and being unforgiving!

Driven, yet self-sacrificing and a lover of truth, the choleric-melancholic can accomplish great things. Without human and spiritual formation, however, this mixture can result in an individual who is proud and obstinate, with deep anger and resentment. They can be opinionated, critical, and judgmental. The quick intelligence of the choleric combined with the tendency to think they are always right, might make those with this temperament mixture autocratic, moody, arrogant, and anti-social.

The scary part about this whole analysis is that it is very accurate all the way from my strengths to my weaknesses. It was a really great way to better understand the people in my community and for them to understand me. For those of  you who know me i am sure most of that information is not new, but for the rest of you...welcome to my life :)

One of the saints that I have always related to, St. Paul, is this similar choleric temperament. During mass this past Sunday and the second reading hit the core of me. To live is Christ, and to die is gain.

I have always had this longing for death...I know it sounds awful, but it isn't and St. Paul explains it very well in his letter to the Philippians. This world is meant to be only temporary and our ultimate goal is union with God in Heaven. However, If we are on this earth we cannot just wait till we die, but must have fruitful labor in order to glorify God. Then, when we die we will have union with Him. He puts us on this earth not just for our own sanctification process, but for us to be able to help those around us. We are in charge of not only our soul, but must live our lives so that we may be a witness to those God has entrusted to us.

So then...Why do we isolate ourselves? Why do we allow for boundaries to keep others out?
Boundaries. We usually think of boundaries as necessary and good, but what if we are wrong? What if in calling ourselves private and separating ourselves ( in order to protect ourselves) we are actually hurting ourselves?

During our community formation nights we discussed this topic in terms of happiness. We are all searching for happiness. We all have a longing to be fulfilled. We all want to do the Lords will...why...because essentially this will bring us happiness. However, the way the world views this is flawed, because for some reason we believe that happiness is a state of well-being and contentment or a pleasurable or satisfying experience .

But all of that is a lie. Christ on the cross is the way we attain happiness. He knew He was doing the Lord's will, which brings us all  happiness, but I can't image our modern definition of happiness would be a way to describe His Crucifixion.

The world has sold us the idea that certain people are worth trusting and allowing into our boundaries, while others are not. However, this is not true. The only thing this lie does is isolate us from each other. Living in community we need to learn to love each other, but how can we truly do that if we don't allow the other into our lives? Why are we afraid of being hurt? Loving hurts, but it will not harm us. The cross hurt, but it did not harm Him.

We need to let go of this idea of privacy, because it is destroying us. We were not created to be alone, yet we willing put up boundaries. Isolation only leads to loneliness, which does not lead to happiness. Happiness lies in surrendering. We must surrender to the Lord's will in our lives, which means being in communion with those He has entrusted in our lives. We can't be in communion with them unless we remove these boundaries. We must stop being afraid of hurt and allow ourselves to truly love.

We need to step outside our comfort and go the extra mile in being involved in the lives of those around us. We need to allow them into our lives. Our goal on this earth is to be Christ to each other, but how can we do that when we don't even actually commit to being involved in each others life?

We must remember our ways are not the Lord's ways. We have this natural inclination to run from anything that might hurt, but the reality is we are called to embrace the cross. It is where mercy and love meet.
In embracing our cross we are able to do the Lord's will and in the end truly attain happiness.

We need to stop make excuses of why we can't get along with so and so. We need to stop making excuses of why we can't be open and honest with each other. In the end everything will be revealed, so why do we try to hide it now? How can we grow in holiness if we are not willing to admit our failings? We are truly one body in Christ and unless we are committed to each other the devil will divide and conquer us.

What is the worst that can happen if we let others into our lives? They will reject us? Well considerate a moment to be in union with Christ for He has experienced a greater rejection than many of us ever will. We are afraid of betrayal? All of the things that we are scared of the Lord has conquered.

The homeless we encounter experience this deep isolation. They are rejected by society because they are seen as useless. How can we be okay with that? If anyone ever needed a great support system it would be those that are on the streets without anyone. Yet, we are afraid to commit to them why? Because it will hurt. If we don't commit to them then who will? Many do suffer from addictions, but those are the ones that need the most love. The Lord didn't come to call the righteous, but the sinners. The healthy don't need a healer. We need to be that Christ to them and in turn they will be Christ to us.

May we not be afraid to love those around us that God has entrusted to us.

Even though it will hurt us, it cannot harm us.

Surrender

What if i am wrong in believing that if i just do the right things and say the right things life will be better. Everything will be okay and I will finally be happy. Why do I believe the lies the world tells me. Why gain the whole wide world If I am jus goin to loose my soul? Many times I try to control how things our going to turn out in my life, but it never ends up the way I want it to.

In the end there is always suffering and pain, but the difference lies in whether I suffer for and with Christ or alone in the world pursuing the lies it sells.

This past sundays readings hit me really hard. There are many things that happen in life where we have every right to be angry and want justice, but the reality is that being angry and holding a grudge doesn't solve anything. Anger actually only prevents us from receiving the Lords grace. How do we expect to be forgiven for our sins, when we can't even forgive so and so for this and that.
How does it make any sense for us to beg for mercy when we are not willing to be merciful.

This hit me hard because...who do I think that I am...I am truly an unworthy sinner, but the Lord loves me unconditionally no matter how many times I have chosen things that will separate me from Him. No matter how many times I have chosen to walk away from Him and disrespect Him...He still loves me. There is nothing that I can do for Him to love me more or less.

The only thing that is in my power is whether I choose to first, accept His love and then live according to His love. The same thing when dealing with other people. They may hurt us and cause us pain that we don't deserve, but the only thing we have control over is whether we get angry and stay angry or whether we forgive.

Sometimes forgiveness is seen as weakness because people say how can you let them do that to you etc etc, but what do you think Jesus heard as we was carrying His cross? Many said if you are the Son of God then get yourself off this cross, but instead of doing that, which He could have He looked up into the heavens and said Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.
He was a a Innocent man made to suffer like a criminal.

Why do we expect anything different for our lives?

In our suffering we can choose to unite ourselves with God and be lifted up with Him in glory or we can hold on to anger and wrath.

Let us not be fooled by the devil any longer. Our desires as Christian is that every man will be raised up in Glory with God. This includes our enemies, the ones that annoy, frustrate and hurts us. We must be willing to forgive in order to be forgiven. In the end the Lord is the judge and He will deal out justice, not us. Therefore, lets free ourselves from the chains of anger.

May we have the courage to beg the Lord for mercy and the strength to unite ourselves to the cross and be merciful to those that hurt us.

Amen.

Here I Am

Can you recall this past Sunday's readings? In the first reading Jeremiah is trying to fight the Lord, just like we fight God, but admits that the very name of God becomes like burning fire in his heart that he can no longer contain inside himself. This is true for all of us. There comes a time when we either accept our cross and carry it, with this comes persecution, or we try to pretend we have nothing to share, but inside of us something is still there and it will not leave us alone.

You know you have those moments when God has won in your life and you are happy He has...that was how I felt on Sunday upon hearing this first reading. I, like many of my friends, have been duped by the Lord. We have tasted true joy and love and nothing else will ever satisfy. I am His dignified instrument to share love and truth to the rest of the world and I cannot keep inside me everything He has given me no matter how hard it gets to share that.

On the streets its been interesting for me to experience persecution. I am not really someone people confront and disagree with often (shocker I know) but on the streets some people just see the name Christ on my shirt and they come at me with everything they got. My natural instinct is to get angry, but instead I just listen to them and accept it because someone else has hurt them using the name of Christ. Someone else has wounded them and I am unified with Christ because all I want to do is talk to them, but they are too closed off because they are afraid of being hurt. They are so closed off that love and grace also cannot come in. It is humbling because I lose my identity and all they see is the name of Christ, which I guess is the way it is supposed to be, but if only they knew the truth of who Christ is.

Psalm 62 and 63 are my favorite because they bring me into that love relationship with Christ. My soul clings fast to you, O Lord! We cannot do anything unless we realize how much we NEED God. Our world preaches autonomy, but this is not how we were created. We were created to be children of God and completely rely upon Him for everything, but since He has given us the capacity to reason and freewill to choose we can refuse His help. However, even if convince ourselves we don't need God our souls do need Him. Our souls thirst for Him and nothing else can satisfy. 

There is a certain part of Denver that this man I met calls The Great Depression. It is a place where drug dealers and addicts hang out 24/7. Everyone knows about it, but everyone has given up hope on the people that are enslaved to their fleshly desires. The cops no longer do anything to actually help them and the general public is to afraid to go near there or to even acknowledge them. But they are human and in all their desiring they need the love of Christ.

Man being given the likeness with God shows that the essence and existence of man is related to God in a very profound way. Man can deny, ignore, forget or even dismiss any relationship with God, but the connection of man's dignity coming from God can never be eliminated. Man is who he is because God is who he is. Man is on a constant search for something outside himself, but often gets enslaved to other things that he believe will make him free, but actually has the opposite effect. I drink because I want to forget how sad I am, but it is actually a depressant and will make things worse. I want to do this or that drug because I just rather not feel the awful reality that is going on around me, but then the addiction becomes the problem and everything around you falls apart... etc.

God has put eternity into man's heart and mind, but the devil often wants us to forget about eternity. Instead, to just live weekend to weekend, but unless we are conscience of the fact that everything we do goes beyond weekend to weekend, but affects eternity we might start living differently. Our reason is the gift of being able to discern between good and evil and our freewill the gift of choosing our path. However, choosing evil (something that goes our nature) is not freeing, but it enslaves.

St. Augustine said it best, "You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you."

"Do not conform yourselves to this age
but be transformed by the renewal of your mind,
that you may discern what is the will of God,
what is good and pleasing and perfect."


In the Gospel God calls us to 3 things in life:
1. to deny ourselves: we weren't created just to be free and exist on this earth, but to be in a love relationship with God. to love and be loved.
2. to take up our cross: every cross is different, every human being is different and only you can carry the cross given to you. His grace will be enough and even when it seems hopeless and impossible it isn't if you surrender to God and truly trust Him.
3. to follow Him: may our will be to do His will.

Here I am Lord. Ready to do as you wish. Knowing I am truly incapable of anything great, but if you will it I will try.

I have the blessing to live with other beautiful women who have surrendered a year of their lives to the Lord. I want to introduce one in particular today. Her name is Hollyn a.k.a Ballin' Hollyn.

Hollyn is full of joy and peace. She brings a sense of comfort to our home. That big joyful smile is contagious and real. I was telling her how much I loved that I could just BE with her in silence and its not uncomfortable, but actually really freeing because she just is who she is. Her response was, " I am not good at making up stories, so this is who I am." She is pretty neat and just wanted to share that with you all instead of just me and abby knowin' it ;)

 I must also admit that in a previous blog post I actually forgot to include Hollyn's name as a member of our household so this is my way of making up for that.
 Love you, Ballin' Hollyn.

Please continue to pray for us as we strive to surrender to the Lords love, so that in turn we may better radiate that love to each other and those we serve.

New Beginnings

I have now been in Denver, Co for 26 days and it feels like I have been here way longer. Transitions are always difficult, but for the first time I have had a new realization of why it is so difficult for me.

All my life I have been trying to just survive. If I can just get through this then things will be better, but the reality is that by trying to shut out the bad things I have pushed away many good things. For example: believe that people who have just known me for 26 days actually love me. That in my mind does not make sense. Love is something that comes with time and that last through trials, but it does not just happen because I exist. (see that is the lie I have come to believe)

The truth is that we actually are all loved for the mere fact that we exist because in our existence we have in us an image of God that no one else on this earth can replace.

All this time I have thought that I am an honest person, but never even realized the lies that I have believed. I am not to be selective in my love and that only certain people deserve it, but we were all created equally. God didn't create some good and others very good. Yet, I have believe that for so long because it is what the world tells us.

If I cant accept the love the women in my community are trying to show me just because I think they don't know me, then how do I expect the people on the streets that I meet believe that I am there to love them?

All the ways I have learned to keep people out are the defense mechanism I have learned, but I don't have to be afraid anymore. I am not that same little girl afraid of being hurt. It is safe to just be me without constantly having to be on guard.

I know I am not meant to be best friends with everyone, but we still are called to love everyone. You get a deeper love with family and friends that you are closer to, but that we were created to love.
We were created in love, for love. The world has distorted this word to be just a feeling, but love is not just a feeling. Love is a choice.

To choose to love that beggar on the street by just looking at him/her in the eye and giving them the dignity the have just by acknowledging they exist. To choose to love the drunk and just listen to his stories because he is worth listening to. To choose to love those who don't even know how to love themselves because they are enslaved by worldly things. It is not easy. It is not meant to be easy.

Do you think Jesus as He was being nailed to the cross for our sins out of love for us thought to Him self this feels good? No, but it was a choice He made.

I am realizing love is always going to hurt, it is never going to be easy, but the hurt has meaning because in that little bit of suffering we get to be united to Jesus on the cross.

I am learning to love and to truly accept the love of others. I am learning to be humble that I cannot change peoples circumstances and that I am not called to, but I am called to love them.
To allow them to impacted me and be transformed in all the ways I encounter Jesus.

We will be judge on the last day on how well we loved, truly loved the poor and needy.

May we not be afraid to love. May we not be afraid of the uncomfortable.

"There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”- C.S. Lewis "The Four Loves"

Please continue to pray for all the missionaries in the world trying to love may they always remember it is only because they were loved first that they can share the love with others!

Also, Happy Birthday shout out to one of the best gifts I have ever received, Miss Amy Burt. I love you!